This is essential to S4 why?

XFinity asked Alan Ball which episodes are worth going back and checking out before season 4 begins. He gave them a list of nine and the reasons why the episodes are integral. He said, “It’s tough because so much has happened before, and I also have this season and parts of next season in my head too”

So without further ado, here are Alan Ball’s most essential True Blood episodes for us to watch in preparation for S4:

Season 1, Episode 2
“This is the first time Sookie (Anna Paquin) drank Bill’s (Stephen Moyer) blood, and the first time they kissed.”

Season 1, Episode 5
“This has the Civil War flashback and told how Bill was made. Also, it’s where Gran was found dead.”

Season 2, Episode 4
“In this episode, Maryann (Michelle Forbes) threw Tara a (Rutina Wesley) birthday party and you finally got a sense of what she was up to.”

Season 2, Episode 9
“The key moment was when Eric’s maker, Godric (Allan Hyde) went into the sun.”

Season 2, Episode 12
“When Maryann was summoning Dionysus, that set the stage for a lot of what has happened since.”

Episode 3, Season 3
“Bill had hate sex with his maker, Lorena (Mariana Klaveno), and breaks her neck. We found out that that’s just really good sex for a vampire.”

Season 3, Episode 5
“This one featured the moment where Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) realized Russell Edgington (Denis O’Hare) is the man who killed his family. We had a lot of fun with the flashbacks to Eric and the Vikings.”

Season 3, Episode 9
“Eric killed Russell’s lover in this episode. Meanwhile, Sookie and Debbie Pelt (Brit Morgan) had their big fight scene, which was great. And Sookie and Bill came together here.”

Season 3, Episode 12
“We had the reveal that Jesus (Kevin Alejandro) is a brujo (a witch). He and Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) had already had their V trip, which is also important to remember for this season.”

Season 3 DVD/Blu-Ray comes out May 31, 2011 in the US

The list of DVD extras for True Blood Season 3 is out thanks to play.com.

For the DVD:

For Blu-Ray:

Thank you to KaysGetaway for the news!

THE MEETING: The Tone Meeting

WHERE IT TAKES PLACE: Alan’s office

WHO ATTENDS: Alan Ball, Executive Producer Gregg Fienberg, the writer of each episode, the first Assistant Director, and the cinematographer

WHAT IT’S ABOUT (according to writer/producer Alexander Woo): The tone meeting is the first opportunity for the director to sit with Alan, Gregg, and the writer and talk about the episode scene by scene.  For new directors to our show, it’s an especially valuable time to clarify any issues about story, style, or tone.   If it’s Michael Lehmann, it’s his first chance during the episode to make puns before a captive audience.

Michael Lehmann, a punny guy?

Interesting eh? But as I was reading this, one line struck out at me… yeah, you’re right, it’s the one about director Michael Lehmann and the puns. The dude must be famous for these and I was wondering if any appeared in the True Blood episodes that he directed. Below are the episodes directed by Mr. Lehmann. Does anyone remember if there were any puns* that made it into the episodes?

• Escape From Dragon House 1:04 – We learn from Vampire Bill that vampires love puns, Fangtasia!
• The Fourth Man in the Fire 1:07
• Keep This Party Going 2:02
• Shake and Fingerpop 2:04
• Hard-Hearted Hannah 2: 06
• It Hurts Me Too 3:03
• I Got A Right to Sing The Blues 3:06
• I Small A Rat 3:10

*Wait, what exactly is a pun? From Webster: “The humorous use of a word, or of words which are formed or sounded alike but have different meanings, in such a way as to play on two or more of the possible applications; a play on words.”

First up, Stephen Moyer accepts the award for the Holy Shit Scene of the Year. The scene is the infamous twisted neck sex scene between Bill and Lorena from episode 309 (“It Hurts Me Too”). The award was presented by Rainn Wilson (Dwight Schrute from The Office.)

The Scream Awards were voted on by fans via Spike.com.

Lorena and Bill

On a show that commingles sex and violence as a general rule, that last encounter between Bill and Lorena  may have shredded the envelope: testing the limits of vampire-on-vampire hate-sex, Bill twisted Lorena’s head completely around between thrusts — and true to Lorena’s malevolent nature, she loved it.

With True Blood resuming its run this weekend, she called up Movieline to discuss exactly how they made it work, why Lorena just can’t get over Bill, and how J.J. Abrams is inadvertently responsible.

So you had a very, shall we say, “head-turning” scene in episode three? You could say that. You could say “twisted.”

I’m sure you’re going to hear all of those jokes. We were making them on the day of filming, trust me.

Please tell me what your reaction was when you read that. I think my jaw dropped to the floor, and my initial thought was, “Oh, my poor parents.” [Laughs] There was sort of an anxiety about it, but upon reflection, I realized it was going to very much be a water-cooler scene for the season, and given the choice, I’d rather be in the water-cooler scene than not. I made my peace with it, although I’m nervous to actually see it! I’ve seen it in pieces because I had to go back and do sound for it, but I have not seen the finished product yet.

It’s insane. It was kind of insane, wasn’t it? Unfortunately, so many great scenes happen in episode three, and I don’t know that anyone will remember them when the last moment of the episode occurs.

Well, how the hell did you film that? I want to know everything. I think it’s CGI magic, but they actually built a puppet — a Mariana puppet, or a Lorena puppet, I should say. I did a lifecast of my torso and my face, and it came out perfect. It looked exactly like me, and her head could twist around. We kind of did it in stops and starts all day long. [Laughs] We did it with Stephen and I facing up, Stephen and I face-down, Stephen with the puppet…there were many different versions that we filmed, and they sort of pieced them all together with post-production magic to make it all look, I’m hoping, horrific.

On a show like True Blood, it’s kind of an honor to have the most talked-about sex scene, isn’t it? Yes, yes. I mean, I had a pretty gruesome sex scene last season when we were rolling around in blood, but this one pushed the envelope for sure, as far as incorporating violence and sex. It’s actually one of the things I love about the show: it knows what it is, and it does what it does very well. Alan Ball just knows how to keep upping the ante and how to keep viewers on the edge of their seats. Once you think you have the show figured out, they pull something like this, and it’s like, “Wow, I’m speechless.”

What was it that you so enjoyed about the flashbacks in that episode? I love these particular flashbacks because you get to see the beginning nature of their relationship and Bill really not having a handle on his vampire life. He makes mistakes and crosses lines, and you see Lorena acting as his maker in a maternal sort of way, which you really haven’t seen before. I don’t know if you were surprised, but I was surprised about how things were handled in that scene.

Why do you think Lorena is so obsessed with Bill? I think he represents everything that she wants. The irony is that the very things that initially attracted her to Bill are the qualities in him that keep him from returning her love: He’s this honorable, dignified man who has scruples and morals. She’s been waiting to find a companion; she’s a very lonely character, and I have my own ideas for why that is, that she was never really loved in her human life either. The problem is that she’s very much in tune with her vampire life and she wants him to indulge in those vampire things, and this season, you get to see a darker side of Bill. I think it’s as twisted — again, sorry for the pun — as it seems that it excited Lorena that she starts to see her input in Bill. The more violent he is, the darker he is, the more he pushes away Sookie for his vampire life, the better it is for Lorena. She thinks, “This is the vampire I made.”

Do you mind playing such a villain, or do you want fans to like you? I do want the fans to like me a little bit! This season, she does have her evil moments still, but the way she deals with Bill’s wife, I think, is very surprising. You leave that moment where she starts to glamour her and you think, “Oh my God, she’s going to do something horrible to his wife and I’ll never like this character,” but she doesn’t. She’s sort of taken care of in a way. Further on, in episode ten, I think you’ll see more of those moments. I think it makes her a more interesting character and it’s so much more rewarding to play a character who has those sides to her.

You’ve taken a lot of abuse this season, but at least you get to wear some fabulous clothing. I thought Lorena’s riding outfit that she got burned up in was kind of insanely wonderful. Thank you! Yes, they worked very hard on that outfit. It’s a shame that it was only onscreen for about two seconds. [Laughs] I was set on fire, but I think I had about four different fittings just for that outfit. I’m an extremely lucky girl that I get to wear all these fabulous clothes.

So tell me about this chance meeting with J.J. Abrams that helped launch your career. Oh, yes. I used to work at Morton’s in Burbank, for about seven years. J.J. used to come in to write when he was working on Alias — he’d come in with his laptop late in the evening and have a steak. I was an insane fan of the show and I knew who he was and I didn’t want to approach him and say anything, but we kind of struck up an acquaintance because I was a hostess and I knew he needed the one table with an outlet next to it for his laptop. So, after about four or five of these times when he’d come in and need that table and we’d have a bit of a back-and-forth, it came out that I was an actress. He started scolding me that I hadn’t mentioned it before and hadn’t been giving him my headshot.

But you couldn’t have! I know! I said, if I’d done that, he would have been turned off. He was very generous and very gracious and he said, “Please send me your stuff,” which I did, but I thought, “If I just send him my picture and a resume with nothing on it, it’s not going to go anywhere.” So I started to come up with a very clever cover letter about why I needed to be on Alias, full of inside jokes about the show like how I look amazing in colored wigs or how I can pretend that Glendale is the Czech Republic. Apparently, they loved it there and passed it around at the writer’s table or something, and a few weeks later, I got the call from their casting office that they were offering me a little part.

And who did you play? I play the girl who blows up. I’m literally onscreen for a couple of seconds, and then I blow up.

You’ve gotten blown up, burned up, your head’s gotten twisted around…you have a very interesting resume, Mariana. I have. I think I’ve died many, many times on TV, and this show is adding interesting some new atrocities to the list.

The “twisted” sex scene between Bill Compton & Lorena is getting a lot of commentary in the blogosphere since the True Blood season 3 episode 3 entitled, “It Hurts Me Too” aired last Sunday. The much discussed scene has recently been listed in the Hall of Shame on the National Organization for Women’s (NOW) website. The article urges the audience to write to HBO to “tell them what you think about this violent, misogynistic scene in True Blood.”

I know that there are various reaction levels: of justice being done, acceptance, outrage & disgust provoked by this one scene. One thing is for sure, nobody has reacted with indifference. The question I am pondering after reading their take, is what if the roles had been reversed and it was a male vampire being so in “love” with the female vamp, that he compelled her to have sex with him and she was the one doing the twisting? Would that affect how we all interpreted this act?

Offender: Television show True Blood

Media Outlet: HBO, first airing 6-27-10

The Offense: Vampire Bill Compton has violent sex with his nemesis/”maker” Lorena, during which he twists her head around backward.

NOW’s Analysis: Here’s a quick backgrounder for the uninitiated: HBO’s True Blood is based on a series of books about vampires and other super-natural characters. The show frequently contains explicit sex and violence. Bill is a main character and romantic interest for the female lead, Sookie. Currently Bill is going through a personal crisis about loving a human while being controlled by vampire Lorena, who turned him into a vampire long ago and keeps popping up despite his attempts to break away from her. Lorena is the classic “bitch” character who viewers are encouraged to hate. Bill definitely despises her, but vampire rules compel him to follow his maker’s commands.

In this context, Lorena asks Bill to make love to her. He says “never” but proceeds to throw her on the bed and rip off her clothes. Apparently, he can’t stop himself from having sex with her, but in a form of protest, Bill literally twists her neck, turning her face around backward. He continues to have sex with her as the camera provides us with a wide shot that is disturbing, to say the least. Facing the floor, with blood spilling out of her mouth, Lorena proclaims to Bill that she still loves him.

True Blood might be make-believe, but the parallels to real life in this scene are too horrifying to ignore. The scene taps into a hatred of women that still exists in our society — a revulsion toward women with power and a desire to punish them for making men feel weak. Yes, we’re supposed to be shocked. This is our wake up call that Bill might not be a suitable lifemate for Sookie. But let’s forget for a minute who or what these characters are: Here is a scene that was written and filmed to allow viewers to watch a man have violent sex with a woman he hates so much he twists her head around, and she loves him all the more for it. Remember, the character of Lorena is fictional, her persona and actions are the creation of writers, directors and producers. She is presented, simultaneously, as a hideous, controlling “bitch” and a pitiful, deluded stalker. And while we are supposed to be disgusted by Bill’s violence, aren’t we given permission to believe, just a tiny bit, that this woman got what was coming to her? Bad girls deserve to get hurt, and, besides, they like it — right? Thanks, but no thanks, True Blood for this messed up depiction of women, men, violence and sex.

This week on True Blood, the weirdest on-screen orgasm ever, freeloading relatives and ill advised reunions demonstrate that families suck ass, heads in shopping bags and heads being twisted about and Pam giving awesome head, Sookie’s wardrobe takes a dive into the 1980′s bargain bin, a nice werewolf in a Henley (mmm, I like Henleys), and nobody does nihilism like Vampire Bill!

Ahh, one night stands, we’ve all been there, and if you haven’t, you kinda should, so you learn the full horror of waking up next to someone uglier than Bret Micheals and/or crazier than the woman off that Fatal Attraction movie (a fricking role model for Lorena if there ever was one), slipping discreetly out the door and doing the head down ‘OMG what have I just done?!’ facepalming walk of shame back to your house/coffin the next morning/evening. It’s all part of growing up, y’all. And suitably, the black and evil heart of Season 3 contains many a bitter lesson about bad sex and how love is to be avoided at all costs, especially vampire love. How come whenever anyone on True Blood has sex with a vampire except Sookie ‘I is Perfect’ Stackhouse, it’s totally gross? Remember crazy, bald headed eye flipping tattoo guy from Season 1? And now Franklin the hissing howling Tantric Sex weirdo. And Bill…oh dear, so many of my cherished and colourful sexual fantasies RUINED in one gut wrenching minute. I totally understand why he didn’t want to gaze upon the Black Widow while doing the ‘I hate myself and the world’ nihilistic deed, but surely a brown paper bag over her head would have been less disturbing?

Now I’ve dealt with that in an ass over tit fashion (and shall return to it at the end, because it was just so gob smackingly WTF), I have calmed down and can coolly skim through the jam packed episode without having to pause to scrub my brain yet again. And lets hope during the two week break I can claw back my horny glee over poor ole Vampire Bill, because a girl needs her X rated daydreams or she gets really fucking ratty. Seriously. Warning, this episode was long, and therefore this recap may be too much for short attention spans. I’m verbose, so bite me….or perhaps not, I’m kind of off vampires at the moment. Werewolves aren’t doing that much for me either, though new guy Alcide has a lovely, smoky voice doesn’t he? Shame he’s going to fall under the spell of Sookie along with everyone else and automatically lose his balls. Even Eric’s been lacking in supervillain snark lately. That girl eh? Nothing but trouble, and she hasn’t done a lot to prove her worth this season except run around yelling ‘Beeeeeell!’.

Eww, I know he's going to taste like greasy dog...

Speaking of the rather subdued Northman, Sookie’s just shot him after he did the slow mo ‘noooooo’ jumpy thing between the gun and the werewolf in her lounge, because some information on who sent the wolf would be useful before offing his hairy ass. Wolfie turns back into the creepy ginger biker from the woods last week, who being a junkie, loses focus as soon as he scents Eric’s tasty blood.

Surprisingly, Eric is a bit weak and unsteady and gets chomped a couple of times before throwing off the nekkid dude. Prior to ripping his throat out (after spotting the rune on his neck) Sookie picks up the word ‘Jackson’ from the biker’s mind. Come on, Eric totally knows where these werewolves are coming from and who has Bill, doesn’t he? Why is he not sharing? No matter whether he tells Sook about King Russell or not, she’s gonna stage a daring rescue attempt eventually, so it’s not about her safety. Meh, it must be more twisty vamp politics.

LOL...Russell prays for better behaved houseguests.

In Jackson, crispy fried Lorena is unfortunately not dead, but hilariously pissed off. So is Talbot, as a prized tapestry was used as a fire blanket. Russell is vexed at this show of bad manners, and Bill is triumphant and fangy for a brief second. Alas, it doesn’t last, as the King is the master of sinister yet gracious reality checks.

Due to Lorena selling him out, Bill has two deeply unpleasant options if he doesn’t join the Mississippi Dark Side- watch Ms Stackhouse get killed in an inventive fashion by the jealous bitch ex, or turn her.

He’s completely and utterly screwed, and due for a long and disturbing flashback to really put the boot into his self worth and fragile grasp on humanity, and indeed his sanity. I am wondering whether Russell poking him on the forehead was a dream trigger of sorts? He is freaking old and powerful. Hmm…anyhoo, are any not-mental vampires going to be part of the plot this year?  I’m weary of all these eeeeeeeeeeevil vamps already. The Great Revelation had a point, right?

'I wish you horrible dreams...'

As I fume, Tara is having the multiple of her life in a cheap motel, but somehow it just looks odd and not very exciting what with the eye flickering and rolling, and since when could vampires bestow drawn out, tedious orgasms by howling a bit? Mysterious British vampire Franklin has a smexy accent and a good line in pillow talk, and is clearly a kinky bastard, but Tara quite rightly wants to get the hell out of that room and do the walk of shame back to Lafayette’s. My ‘spot the bastard’ radar is going OFF, and I despair of Tara ever getting out of her victim hole this year, as he’s SO not going to leave her alone.

First the afterglow, then the cringing regret...

Meanwhile cross town, Eric is burying dead ginger werewolf, which is sweet of him, but he should really pitch in and help clean Sookie’s trashed house as well, now he’s grossified it even more. In an apron. There’s an awesome exchange about bullet sucking that makes me love Sook for a second, and then they saunter back to the house arguing about Jackson. She’s going, natch, to take on the werewolves, because she does love Mr. Tormented, despite the obvious charms of ‘Nice Eric’.

In Arkansas, Sam is getting another eyeful of his Daddy’s toxic underpants as he pops his head into the Mickens shack to say goodbye and glare at his sneaky brother. His Momma begs him to stay for the night, but he’s off back to Bon Temps before his crazy staff set fire to his bar or go postal on the more irritating customers. Sticking with the crappy families theme, le sigh…poor, neglected Jessica. It’s very sad, watching her bumble around uselessly trying to be a vampire without any guidance except the bad vamp examples of Fangtasia, and the puritanism of Bill. She’s on the phone to Pam again, reporting on the missing body, but Auntie Pam is too distracted by snacking on that tasty Playboy cover stripper to offer more than great sarcasm. Dawn then breaks, and Sookie is asking a patient Sam for more time off work to do heroic deeds. Sam agrees to keep an eye on Jessica, which will hopefully mean she ends up doing Sookie’s waitress job. Irritating customers beware.

Across town, Jason is ranting about how he’s been elected to lead, not to read, while doing an epic fail on the Bon Temps police force entry test. He so desperately wants to be a hero, and all that crazy church folk training he had would be useful in law enforcement Southern- style. Hoyt asks for manly advice about Jessica, but Jason’s relationship expertise is restricted to his shagging skills, and he’s charmingly self centred as always, so he’s zero help. Meanwhile, in the doctor’s office, a possibly senile but sweet ole man muttering about critters and tadpoles confirms Arlene is preggers, and it’s definitely Killer Rene’s baby. Back at Merlotte’s, a surly Tara gets a phone call from Mike Spencer, him that violated Sookie’s kitchen floor last season. The Bon Temps funeral van is like a 1970′s panel van with bitchin’ artwork, awesome. Screwed upTara skips to the cemetery to say goodbye to Eggs and Sookie gets another chance to prove what a sweet girl she is by paying for the funeral and offering an olive branch to her former BFF, even if it is totally undeserved. Really Sook, you want that unreliable wench back in your house? She never learns.

Amazingly, she doesn't kill her. Sookie on the other hand...

A very cool sweeping shot of the cemetery drags our asses right back to 1868, and oh noes, Bill has escaped clingy Lorena’s clutches briefly to go home and visit with his family. Not a good idea, and it goes so spectacularly badly we now understand why he went so mental at Jessica last season for doing the same. CE sniffles into her hubby’s shoulder pathetically as the clusterfuck of events unfold- Caroline’s hair wrong freaking colour, son dead of smallpox, Bill starting to sob, Caroline naturally freaking the fuck out at his bloody tears and deadness…ahh, the tragedy. And to make matters considerably worse, Lorena comes to the rescue. If this is meant to portray her as more than a desperate cow with a good line in satantic evil, I’m soooo not convinced, since it’s all her sodding fault in the first place. The chick playing Caroline is very good at doing 19th Century pants wetting religious fear of the supernatural, even if I am annoyed at her hair and Little House on the Prairie chic.

The Bon Temps cops have had enough of this shit.

Interrupting Bill’s fun flashback dream at the moment where the audience thinks Lorena’s going to drain his screeching wife, is some more daytime Bon Temps hijinks. The trashtastic Mickens family has turned up at Merlotte’s to case the joint and drink all the booze. Jason is dreaming about sitting his police exams sans pants, and this sends him into a hallucinating tailspin for the rest of the day. Jessica’s lost body is found in a ditch by the road crew missing its head and hands, forcing Sheriff Bud to completely and utterly lose his shit and quit. Having suffered two months of dramatic carnage around town, we can hardly blame him.

And finally, Sookie is scrubbing away yet more bloodstains on her floor when the werewolf version of Bill turns up. Alcide is awful big and stubbly and nice, and his Dad owes Eric money, so to work it off he’s going to guide Sook into the seedy, furry underbelly of werewolf Jackson. We learn right away he has a nasty ex girlfriend who’s shagging the leader of the rival pack, who are meanass crims. The Fuck You Crew/Nazi werewolves, of course.

Sookie likes guests who don't trash the place.

Back in 1868, Lorena’s glamour has got Caroline to shut the hell up and sit still, and she forces Bill to sever all ties with her for good. His heart breaking, he obeys, and then they’re back outside burying his son while he sobs brokenly. It’s deeply upsetting, and I’m not a particularly sentimental girl. Damn you Stephen and your awesome acting. Lorena kindly but patronisingly explains that humans and vamps don’t mix, the best thing you can do is leave humans alone, yadda yadda. Alone in his sumptuous prison bed in modern day Jackson, Bill then wakes up determined to do his best to protect the probably ungrateful Ms. Stackhouse, even if it means destroying ‘Nice Bill’ in the process.

In Bon Temps, Eric is gifting Lafayette a sexy red car for being an excellent V salesman at short notice. Laffy is naturally suspicious of this gesture, but unwisely accepts the bribe. Eric flies off, but not on camera cos that would cost too much money. Over at Merlotte’s, Sam is forced to kick out his binge drinking family, but his brother will later return to rip off his office, and Arlene is not thinking things through when she tells a joyful Terry B the new baby is his. And over at the Compton Residence, that Franklin guy is calling on Jessica. There’s an awesomely childish popping of fangs exchange, but she can’t stop him coming in the house. Scaring the bejesus out of her by producing the trucker’s severed head, she is bullied to spilling on Bill and Sookie. Man, what the hell is this guy up to?

Bond faces the arch villains in their lair, has freaky sex with evil Bond girl...

In Russell’s parlour, some non-cuddly vampire plotting is going on, with added amusing snark between a disdainful Talbot and Cooter. Lorena hasn’t forgiven Sookie for cussing her out in Dallas, and is whiny and anxious to get her mitts on her, but Bill trumps that by marching in all James Bond-ified and pledging allegiance to King Russell.

Now he’s sold his ass and probably his soul, he trusts Russell will leave Special Sook alone, but alas, he knows not of Franklin’s investigations. In the same town, our gal has arrived at a dodgy biker bar with Alcide to do her own, charmingly inept sleuthing. There’s no sign of that hideous red dress with the zip off sleeves that’s burned into my mind from the book, or some tacky Britney Spears slutty dance on the stage (I shit you not, that’s what went down y’all), but she looks suitably low rent in a lace top beloved by white trash biker chicks everywhere, and acts the brave but annoying bimbo around all the big hairy men in leather.

It works a treat though, casting aspersions upon their manhood in comparison to vamps, as she gets some visuals of Bill being tortured from Patrick Swayze’s brother before he tries to rape her. Alcide gets into a fight trying to save her ass (welcome to the world of Sookie’s harem, darlin’), and the big, funny bouncer dude breaks it up with a baseball bat. She’ll have more fun tomorrow night at the bar, as it’s Alcide’s ex GF’s engagement party and a good place to fish for clues. In disguise, since she’s gone ahead and pissed everyone off already. Back at her house in Louisiana, Franklin has glamoured his way inside to continue his Sookie and Bill investigations, which goes to show she must offload Tara as a best friend stat. Very soon, the uncouth Nazi werewolves are going to find out she’s after them.

Finally, ending the episode on a complete downer, there is the mother of all dramatic, shouty Bill and Lorena fights. No shit gets thrown around this time, but having been thoroughly backed into a corner and forced to give up everything he holds dear yet again by the nasty ‘ho, Gentleman Bill completely snaps. Some of you might remember me praying for Bill to snap and go mad last season…well I’m sure a hate-fuelled fuck fest was not what I was looking for. It doesn’t matter if it was pure nihilism, that he tried to kill her during, and that he pulled out before getting there, the deeply evil, masochistic madam loved every second. And when Sookie finds out, she will not understand. Silly, silly man. And um, why do they always keep their clothes on when they shag? I could have least got a look at his fine ass while they were busy ruining my night.

The end. Cheers y’all, see you in a fortnight’s time…

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